heavy

Ralph Is Leaphold: Jully, please

Ralph Is Leaphold: Jully

Ralph Is Leaphold: You know Mel, she gets what she wants without me interrupting so please talk to me.

Ralph Is Leaphold: Okay then, I guess everyone's gonna see you with the Pink one

JA: WAT ARE U DOING RALPH?! I THOUGHT YOU MEANT UR WORD???? I CAN SEE YOU CAN'T

Ralph Is Leaphold: Not everyone can promise things they can't do for real

JA: still cant talk to u

Ralph Is Leaphold: but you are

JA: i'm telling u i cant

JA: bbye

Ralph Is Leaphold: i read your messages

Ralph Is Leaphold: i know you need me now

JA: i dont

JA: im perfect

JA: and mind u, those mails were ANCIENT

Ralph Is Leaphold: Last week was "ancient"?

JA: waebr

Ralph Is Leaphold: it's just about the Boyfriend?

JA: wat do u want ralph?!

JA: i thought we finised this already?!

Ralph Is Leaphold: obviously incorrect

JA: the emails

JA: rj

JA: i needed to talk to sumone

JA: i thought u wont be using this account anymore so i didnt care

JA: i had to let everything out of me

JA: but u got it all wrong rj

JA: i need you

JA: yes before

JA: but not anymore rj

JA: i'm perfect with jake

JA: we have lots of flaws but i love him

JA: and i believe he loves me too rj

Ralph Is Leaphold: I see

JA: I have nothing else to say ralp

Ralph Is Leaphold: I miss you

JA: i dont care

Ralph Is Leaphold: So you don't want to see us anymore?

JA: not aftr i graduate

JA: or marry jake

Ralph Is Leaphold: too naive

JA: wat do u mean?

Ralph Is Leaphold: you can't just say those things jully

JA: y not

JA: u didnt want to hear them dontu?

JA: hows pen

Ralph Is Leaphold: we're off

JA: haha! kaya pala!

Ralph Is Leaphold: it's been months already jully

JA: ohw since when

Ralph Is Leaphold: lasted less than 3 months

JA: alwys thot u liked her

Ralph Is Leaphold: to compare with you?

JA: waebr

Ralph Is Leaphold: do not worry jully. i have clean intentions

JA: good bcoz if there was, its never close to possible

Ralph Is Leaphold: wrong again

Ralph Is Leaphold: but really, no more than talking to you

JA: i'm in BIG trouble, u knw that?

Ralph Is Leaphold: but why? for talking to me right now? breaking his rules for entertaining your ex-lover?

JA: wat made u think it was his rule

Ralph Is Leaphold: oh come on

JA: and i never treated u as my ex rj u know that

Ralph Is Leaphold: irrelevant.

Ralph Is Leaphold: but true

JA: ironic

Ralph Is Leaphold: i meant the statement

JA: wen r u guys comming back?

Ralph Is Leaphold: I'm not sure

Ralph Is Leaphold: Melanie really wants to have her debut with yours

JA: but i dont have one

JA: and uhm, we might have plans

JA: out of town plans

Ralph Is Leaphold: with the "uhm" in your sentence?

Ralph Is Leaphold: still not a good liar jully

JA: esh

Ralph Is Leaphold: you can at least attend

JA: xe can celebrate there

Ralph Is Leaphold: she wants you

JA: you want me

Ralph Is Leaphold: true

JA: ralph you'll die of jealousy pag nakita mo kami ni jake'

Ralph Is Leaphold: i'll see you not him

JA: u'll never see me without him

Ralph Is Leaphold: i dont believe you

JA: i dnt care

Ralph Is Leaphold: how are you jully

JA: miserable

Ralph Is Leaphold: with him?

JA: withOUT him

Ralph Is Leaphold: really

JA: yes really

JA: and with YOU!

JA: ralph, we've been thru a lot. butr seriously jake wont be happy about me doing this

Ralph Is Leaphold: he doesn't have to know

JA: i can't keep anything from him. you know i'm not very good with that

Ralph Is Leaphold: true

Ralph Is Leaphold: but you know he needs to trust you

JA: stop the point rj

Ralph Is Leaphold: i'm just saying

JA: i dnt care!!

Ralph Is Leaphold: can you please stop being so impolite

JA: fine

Ralph Is Leaphold: didn't you miss me?

JA: got over it already

Ralph Is Leaphold: that has to hurt

JA: im sorry

Ralph Is Leaphold: i understand

JA: thanks

Ralph Is Leaphold: jully, you're sure you dont want to see us?

JA: wen?

Ralph Is Leaphold: next year

JA: jake wont like

Ralph Is Leaphold: but do you?

JA: not sure

Ralph Is Leaphold: just say the words and we'll be there

JA: why do everything has to rely on me?

Ralph Is Leaphold: because it's all about you

Ralph Is Leaphold: for you

Ralph Is Leaphold: i'm all about you

JA: tell me again you hav clean intentions

Ralph Is Leaphold: i do, i just want to see you

JA: wat for?!

Ralph Is Leaphold: can you ask me the same question considering what i feel?

JA: i dnt knw what to say

Ralph Is Leaphold: tell me you want to see me

JA: you'll cross states just to see me. how can i not stop you

Ralph Is Leaphold: because i want to see you

JA: but i dont

Ralph Is Leaphold: you're not sure about that jully

JA: i dont want to see you rj, face it!

Ralph Is Leaphold: i dont believe you

JA: you dont have to

Ralph Is Leaphold: why jully? because your boyfriends restraining you?!

JA: rules or no rules, rj i dont want to see you

Ralph Is Leaphold: tell me why

JA: ayoko masaktan si jake

Ralph Is Leaphold: so this is about him again huh

JA: this is about us

JA: i know this sounds ridiculous but rj, i love him

JA: and everytime i get to hurt him

JA: it all goes the same through me'

JA: nasasaktan ako pag malungkot xa

JA: nahihirapan ako pag masama loob nya sakin

JA: rj, i wont make you ruin our almost perfect relationship again

JA: read me rj

JA: of all people

JA: you know me more than anyone does

JA: rj, stop fooling yourself

JA: mahal ko n xa

Ralph Is Leaphold: i understand

Ralph Is Leaphold: jully don't cry

JA: and you know that too

Ralph Is Leaphold: i'm sorry

Ralph Is Leaphold: i should have not insisted anything anymore

Ralph Is Leaphold: but jully, i'm desperate. i need to see you

Ralph Is Leaphold: it's been how many months already. but it's really hard

Ralph Is Leaphold: this time, i'm the one who's very dependent

JA: you have pen rj

JA: you like her i know that

JA: she's a very nice gf to u

JA: i know she loves you

JA: you need a gf, you hav pen

Ralph Is Leaphold: i don't need a girlfriend

Ralph Is Leaphold: i need you

JA: what am i rj?

Ralph Is Leaphold: my sister

Ralph Is Leaphold: my daughter

Ralph Is Leaphold: my best friend

Ralph Is Leaphold: my everything not more than life

Ralph Is Leaphold: jully, you don't have to be the girlfriend

Ralph Is Leaphold: you dont have to kiss me

Ralph Is Leaphold: or live by my rules

Ralph Is Leaphold: jully, i just need you to be with me

JA: rj,

Ralph Is Leaphold: please try to understand

JA: rj

JA: you are willing to give up a lot

JA: but i won't let you

Ralph Is Leaphold: please just try to understand

JA: i do!

JA: but rj

JA: there's no enough space for you in me anymore

JA: it's all jake's

Ralph Is Leaphold: i can't believe it's almost like i'm talking about sharing

JA: im sorry

JA: i need to go

Ralph Is Leaphold: please, stay

JA: you're not crying are you?

Ralph Is Leaphold: of course not

JA: your words are too heavy

Ralph Is Leaphold: i'm sorry

Ralph Is Leaphold: it's just that. you know, it's been a while

JA: what books have you been reading hehe

Ralph Is Leaphold: wow, i was that dramatic huh

JA: yes

JA: but

JA: i felt like you really wanted to say them

JA: this was the first time rj

Ralph Is Leaphold: like lines in a novel?

JA: like my lines

Ralph Is Leaphold: i've been reading your novels

Ralph Is Leaphold: and your blog

JA: what novel?

Ralph Is Leaphold: the first 6

JA: ohw, theyre now 7 hehe

JA: i finished "paramour" and then i stopped writing

Ralph Is Leaphold: would you mind to send me?

JA: sure

JA: soon

Ralph Is Leaphold: okay

JA: rj

JA: can i see some of your pics?

Ralph Is Leaphold: Mel's facebook

Ralph Is Leaphold: I tried creating one for myself but i still find social networking stupid so i discarded mine

JA: weird

JA: favor

Ralph Is Leaphold: yeah?

JA: can you go first?

Ralph Is Leaphold: why?

JA: im blogging this

JA: just to let jake know

Ralph Is Leaphold: he really cant trust you

JA: he does

Ralph Is Leaphold: okay

Ralph Is Leaphold: i'll try to fix things with him

Ralph Is Leaphold: i hope i could talk to you more often

Ralph Is Leaphold: if i can't see you, at least talk to you, that's all i'll ever wish for

JA: jake really doesnt like you rj

Ralph Is Leaphold: really?

JA: like he wants to physically fight your way out of mine

Ralph Is Leaphold: ha ha ha, he won't like that to happen

JA: i wont make that happen

Ralph Is Leaphold: me too, i can't hurt you by hurting him

JA: glad you know that

Ralph Is Leaphold: so, i'll talk to you soon jully?

JA: no promises

JA: pls go

Ralph Is Leaphold: we're still not finish with this

JA: we are. just go

Ralph Is Leaphold: okay, good-bye

JA: bye

JA: and dont say the words

Ralph Is Leaphold: i know you know, goodnight Yet

Dota... o Syota?

by: Pao's group in fil2

Kung ika'y pipili ng isa

Ano kaya ang sa iyo'y papasa?

Dota... o syota?

Ikaw mismo ang huhusga

Syota:

Bakit sa dinami-dami ng bagay sa mundo,

Ako ay ikinumpara sa isang laro?

Nararapat ba ang ganitong pagtrato?

Ga'no ba kababa ang tingin mo sa syota mo?

Dota:

Sa paglalaro ng dota maaaring lumingon sa iba,

Tiyak marami ang iyong makikita!

Hindi katulad sa syota

Na dapat nakatutok sa iisa

Syota:

Ang dota ay walang kwenta,

Aksaya lamang sa pera

At kung dito iikot ang iyong mundo

Mawawalan ng direksyon ang buhay mo

Dota:

Ang syota ay mas magastos, umaalis pa nga at nangiiwan,

Ngunit sa dota kailan ma'y hindi ka mapagtataksilan

Makaiiwas ka na sa kadaldalang sobra-sobra,

Hindi ka pa makararanas ng masakit na sampal sa mukha!

Kapwa may punti ang parehong partido

Iyo na bang napagtanto kung saang direksyon tutungo?

Mas gugustuhin mo bang mawala ang dota?

O ipagsawalang bahala ang iyong syota?

Syota:

Ako'y hindi perpekto,

Ngunit sa aki'y mas maraming positibo

Ako sa iyo ang nagsisilbing inspirasyon,

Magagampanan ba ng dota ang papel kong iyon?

Dota:

Ang syota ay nakakasawa,

Lalo pa't kadalasa'y selosa

Sa aki'y maraming kaibigang bago,

Iba't ibang uri ng tao ang makakasalamuha mo

Napagtanto mo na ang mga pagkakaiba,

At kung susumahin ay mayroon ding mga pagkakapareha

Timbangin nang mabuti at ikaw mismo ang pipili,

Siguraduhing seryoso upang walang pagsisisi

april 8, 2010

I opened my eyes and then I saw him, just when I realized I wish I wasn’t dreaming until an infuriating sound woke me up, shouting. I prayed this day isn’t what it has to be, the start of summer.

I do remember myself waking up eagerly to embrace the essence of summer when all that it meant was happiness, freedom, pleasure, and all else far from the ordinary. But it’s going to be a lot more different this time.
I opened my computer hoping he was there for me to say my last goodbye but he wasn’t. I gave him my simplest message giving the obvious clue.

And there came the arrival of my bridge to my worst summer.

I didn’t expect I’d be leaving that early. On with the usual preparations of leaving but more images this time. Taking a bath remembering last Sunday, looking for the missing comb, and for the longest time I had the chance to choose what clothes I’d be wearing today. I wanted to wear one of his clothes left with me. I paired it with normal spaghetti with the shorts I should be wearing on the 10th of April. I was still not contented so I blow dried my hair and fixed them on pigtails, just like the April 10th plan. I looked funny and as usual, I didn’t care.

For the first time, I hated the travelling car of Kuya.

Avelino Street had been the first to reminisce on since that was the last place I saw him. I anticipated as we passed by his radio station wishing he was on his way there, pathetic. And funny how plans gave me more chances of reminiscing as we drove along Trinidad to Buyagan and eat lunch in Mcdo Trinidad, as I was scanning us together in the Strawberry Fest.

There I saw the road going to his church and how I looked stupid wishing Kuya would stop for just a little while when we passed by the way to his house. And then driving back to Baguio and all the way to somewhere I didn’t care already.
People were still not talking to me, awkward but it gave me more time to think. He must have read my message already, even Ate Adri’s. I can’t imagine how he’d be reacting with all these surprises.

To think how happy we were yesterday, I’m not even sure about smiling or crying imagining his smiles and laughs. I’d always glance at my hands as I cross them together and then embrace myself.

More images than typing… I wish there’d be a chance for me to publish this as I step on the roads of Manila.

But then again I was thinking, the whole mock enrolment plan went successful even for my friends. I had the chance to tell April, I guess she was fine with it. Je, I think, is very miserable about it now as much as I am miserable for not seeing her, Letty and Cham. Ven thought it was all drama. Kuya Mj was disappointed and planning to see me here which I really doubt. But above all of my friends, how did my Jake react?

If ever Rj would know about what I’ve done, he might compliment me for the first time for not being a very bad liar myself.

But most of the time, right now, all that’s on my mind is Jake

I miss him already…

Guilt…

45 days

The fervent kiss, so perfect it was one sunny afternoon as the sun pulls itself down to set. The filthy grass, as two hearts unconditionally collide in romance. The lofty trees, as it covered every bare fondness they had. There were many stories to tell from a talker to his perfect listener as she worries about the time while he consumes it all. Perfection, almost perfection. He stares at her as she glares. She’d absorb his scent as he gives more compliments on hers. He gives her perfect three words as she clinch to him.

And then she stopped in his tender presence when a droplet fell on her forehead. Her face went plain as she talks and his were covered with bitterness. She didn’t care about his reaction. She wanted to go home already as she anticipates on the bigger drops.

The rain, they both hated the rain for sullying perfection and then gave her impulsive happiness.

The past, the juvenile kiss, the filthy dark road, the absence of such trees, the first time left with nothing, running, running like she never thought she’d have such speed, running, as physical rain run out of her. These were all replaced by what she thought was perfection.

She still didn’t care about his hatred about the rain; she wanted to enjoy that with him. They ran to the mall exposed apart from the rain. She was never happy until they reached their destination. She was incredibly soggy in approval to her contentment and she didn’t care how other people react. And then she turned to him and hugged him, but all she felt was irritation. She was quite thwarted but that didn’t stop her from loving the scene. They went in with people looking at her with trifling questions in them. His annoyance was still obvious as he hides it from her. Still she didn’t care.

Almost dried up but still very damp, she then started worrying about the time, and more sullenness from him with his evident facial expression. The energy, her excitement, went down, down, to gone. She tried to keep up but her whole bliss turned into pessimism. She was silent. It is indeed an annoying attitude of her, as he tries to bring back her cheerfulness but she remains quiet.

As they walk, she can indefinitely feel the literal frostiness of the air. She’s wearing her damp clothes and the wind came rushing towards her as she unwillingly shivers. For most of the time he tries to approach her, she’d just remain speechless by the freezing aura with guilt in her that she is again making him miserable.

She went home and he followed her until they both reached nearest to her house. He wanted to make sure they’re okay because they might not see each other in quite some time, but then again, she was very selfish of that fact. All she was thinking was she was very cold and she wanted to go home already. She tried to keep up with him with a smile. His pleading eyes wanted her to lose aloofness.

“He loves me, he just can’t keep up with my immaturity”, she said in her as she shivers not by the wind but by guilt and the fact that he followed him all the way to her house.

Words have always been impossible to be voiced by her. “Sorry” would almost be perfect to make up to him, but she made her “usual expression of her feelings”.

“Goodbye”, still holding on each others hands, pulling her towards his chest as she presses her lips through his. Still not enough to let it go like that, and then again, another one. Such warmth she felt from him. Funny why she thought of kissing him earlier for her not to be affected much with the cold wind and for him to lose irritation.

“goodbye”.

I am selfish I am snob I am unpredictable I am naïve I am WORST THAN EXPECTED.

I’m sorry… and I love you.

the dream date is set (regardless of the surprise act haha XD)

jake duque: oi
jake duque: kamusta naman?
BUZZ!!!
JA: oh at OL n nmn tinataguan mo
jake duque: ahh wala yoq lang magpakita s iba hehe
JA: bkt?
jake duque: yoq ng maraming kausap tinatamad aq ee
JA: ako din ee
JA: haha kidding
jake duque: yah rayt
jake duque: well first day of being a twr member eh ang sakit s likod haha
JA: kahapon?
JA: kmsta nmn?
jake duque: yep
JA: nagrecord record kn?
jake duque: ok lng saya
jake duque: dpa s monday ako magrecord ee haha
jake duque: kc review q p material
JA: ah so kelan kita maririnig?
jake duque: cguro next saturday
jake duque: pero tanong q p
JA: yey haha
jake duque: nyeh
JA: magbigay k nga ng song n pwde pang contempo
jake duque: pero eshh ang sakit s mata ng work q kahapon kaharap q coputer haha
JA: about nature
JA: bumili k ng salamin mo
jake duque: madami aning claseng song?
jake duque: la pq pera ee
JA: oo nga iniisip ko din un e
JA: hiramin mo muna ung akin
JA: pang ballet
jake duque: hmm xure
jake duque: well contempo pangsayaw ba?
JA: oo
JA: contempo ballet
JA: puro joey ayala naiisip ko
JA: parang common nmn n kasi
jake duque: hmm waw thats hard
JA: oo nga e
jake duque: only hope nlng haha
JA: nature ee
jake duque: nyek anu kea un
JA: haha puro tlg joey ayala
JA: e tinulugan ko lng un nung sining
JA: esh
jake duque: haha umalis yata q nung time n u
jake duque: wala akong inatenan n session ee haha
JA: gabi un nung bday ko
jake duque: wala tlaga 2log ako nun
JA: galing ng PHSA
JA: nakakaiyak sa sobrang galing haha lol
jake duque: oww
jake duque: keii
JA: haha
jake duque: ang init ngai nakakaasaar
JA: oo nga
jake duque: prang ewan ang humidity
jake duque: jalala
JA: ayoko n magaral
jake duque: apai manen?
JA: ngaun n nga lang magbakaxon rami pang gagawin haha
JA: well joke lng
jake duque: haha tlga lng huh argg
jake duque: thou shall not be lazy pero im super lazy padin
JA: ok lng yan bsta hndi palagi
jake duque: oo nga buti nga ee
JA: o db'
jake duque: hehe masama padin un
JA: haha oo nga
jake duque: ok lng un oi kunin mu ung pera q ahh
JA: kelan b
jake duque: txt mu c mum
JA: la akong lowd
jake duque: edi paload ka
jake duque:
JA: wala akong pera haha
jake duque: 10php lng eshh
JA: oh d ikaw n lng haha
jake duque: panung ako ee wala akong fone tska sau papadala un ee
JA: sauce
JA: geh bukas
jake duque: ok hirap ahh
JA: ng?
jake duque: hirap pasunurin
JA: sauce
jake duque: oh?
JA: oo n oo n
jake duque: prang ayaw mu ahh
JA: d nu
jake duque: wehh
JA: oi hanapan mo n ko ah
jake duque: hanapan ng?
JA: nung kanta
jake duque: ahh pang ballet tlga tapos nature? ok ok
JA: opo
jake duque: waw eww
JA:
jake duque: haha d aq ganun katanda
JA: hahah
JA: kasi sabi nung friends nung naguusap kami
jake duque: same age lng tau
jake duque: anu?
JA: ah pano b ung pgkakasabi..
JA: bsta
JA: kasi sabi ko d ko alam manlambing something
jake duque: go lng
JA: tapos sabi gummit lng ng po at opo ok n un
JA: hahah
jake duque: yes boss haha
JA: haha
JA: gayahin nga kita
jake duque: go lng hee
JA: cge
jake duque: under ako sau kea boss kita ahhaha
JA: kht au
jake duque: ohh?
JA: nu pinakamalaoit n beach dito?
jake duque: huh?
JA: pinakamalapit
jake duque: ahh ok uhmm wala b s pangasinan?
JA: malayo un e
JA: ung tipong 1hr lng n pwde kong puntahan haha
jake duque: ahh wala
jake duque: bat anung meron?
JA: as in wala?
JA: gusto ko lng tlga makakita
jake duque: wala.pra san ba?
JA: gusto ko nga makakita
jake duque: never ka pa b nakakita g beach?
JA: in almost 2years
JA: ata or 1
JA: pag nagbyabyahe un lng
jake duque: ahh ok
JA: gusto ko matouch ung shore
jake duque: waw senti
JA: seryoso haha
jake duque: nahh
jake duque: cnu kasama mu?
JA: ikaw haha
jake duque: nyek walang beach d2 puro bundok d2 ee
JA: magtataong ako
JA: malaymo
jake duque: cge go lng
JA: titingnan lng nmn e d nmn magswim
jake duque: onga naman
jake duque: try mu tapos punta tau haha
JA: sa agoo daw
jake duque: why did i feel n meron dun haha
jake duque: well wala pa 100 faredun hehe
JA: oo 69 daw
jake duque: haha naks
JA: sakto one hr ang byahwe
JA: jake punta tauu
jake duque: kelan tau punta?
JA: after ng exam ko, mo
jake duque: haha lets try if we have money o k
JA: wag n try, ipon tau
jake duque: cge hon
JA: yey
jake duque: haha get away natin un
JA: magkano kaya?
JA: geh d n ko sasama sa carne
JA: un n lng haha
jake duque: ahh idunno hehe
JA: hmmm
JA: 69
JA: 150 fair
JA: 300
JA: plus fud
jake duque: 700php
JA: uhh
JA: wow! taung dalawa lng un
JA: w8
JA: sabay n lng tau sa blockm8s
JA: para free fud n hahaha
JA: pupunta din sila e
jake duque: ayaw mu maging alone
JA: hiwalay n lng tau after
JA: nagyayaya n din sila e oh
JA: sakto kasi fiesta daw sakanila dun
jake duque: anu un iiwanan muq?
jake duque: eww wag nlng
JA: hindi nu
jake duque: anu pala?
JA: bsta bsta ipon kn 250
JA: sakto n un haha
JA: at wala k p b id?
jake duque: wala ee
jake duque: mga kelan kea un/
jake duque: ?
jake duque: dapat monday un
JA: kelan b exam mo?
JA: kami 17-20
jake duque: ahh edi mga 29 nlng un ang last monday dv
JA: d b pwdeng 22?
jake duque: may clase pq nun
JA: ay cge cge
JA: edi d n tlga tau sasabay sa block
jake duque: 26 ang tapos ng clase q ee
JA: cge 29
jake duque: okay
JA: dalin kon cam ko nun haha
jake duque: haha tlga lng huh
JA: oo, sana mahanap ko n charger nun haha
jake duque: san kea un banda s agoo kc nakapunta nq dun ee
JA: o ako din feeling ko
jake duque: anung feeling mu?
JA: na nakarating n ko du haha
JA: dun dumadaan paputa samin e
jake duque: hehe ako as in nakatungtong nq dun ee wee
JA: oh edi alam mo n
jake duque: pero dq lam kung san ang beach dun oh
JA: pupunta nmn kami ata aftr exam dun
jake duque: anung meron?
JA: fiesta nga nila charm, nagiinvite xa
jake duque: aj ok
jake duque: ingat
JA: kung may pera ako pupunta ako haha
JA: hirap magipon rami inabayaran
jake duque: tlga lng ah hheehe
jake duque: sana sumweldo aq s TWR hehe
JA: haha blis nmn
jake duque: well sana tlga hehe
JA: bsta ipon n tau ha
JA: sana lng makaipon ako haha
jake duque: yes boss hehe
jake duque: paalis nq hin la nq pera ee haha
jake duque: pero kunin mu ung pera ko ahh
JA: haha nagtataka nga ko bat k nagol e
JA: opo
JA: haha
jake duque: hinihntay q lng matapos time q ehehe
jake duque: loveyou
jake duque: ok right spelling na haha
JA: haha lol
jake duque: nyeh
JA: hehe
JA: ui napapansin mo b humahaba buhok ko d? haha
jake duque: uhmm ok lng
jake duque: ako tagal humaba ee haha
JA: papagupitan ko ng onti haha
JA: ok n buhok mong ganyan
jake duque: wag na ok n yan
JA: bsta ayusin mo
jake duque: esh
jake duque: wag ka n magpagupit argh
JA: ay
JA: cge d n pla
jake duque: oo tama yan pangkain nlng natin ung pang haircut mu hehe
JA: haha lol
jake duque: pra kewl dv
jake duque: haii i miss you
JA: hehe
jake duque: sayang d ka makakapunta s mini concert eshh
JA: gustuhin ko man d nmn ako papayagan
jake duque: ok lng yan kesa pagalitan ka hehe
JA: yes
jake duque: be a good ate haaha
JA: oo nmn nu
JA: ambait ko nga
jake duque: good
jake duque: tlga lng huh
JA: kaya madali sila utusan
JA: haha
jake duque: haha 3mins nlng
JA: sa thrsday ha
jake duque: ahh yes after ng class q teka s cosmo n tau magkit a kc dadaan ako ng TWR nun ee
JA: e may praktis kmi nun e
jake duque: so panu un?
JA: sunduin mo n lng ako hehe
JA: tapos diresto n tau dun
jake duque: saan nanaman?
JA: para walang angal mga kasama ko
jake duque: san ang praktis nyo
jake duque: cge lng
JA: baka dun din sa sunshine
JA: or ewan e
JA: txt mo ko
jake duque: mahirap un
jake duque: eshh
jake duque: wala bang specific place nlng
JA: d ko nmn kasi controlled sila
jake duque: cge ttxt ako huh mag reply ka huh
jake duque: hehe
JA: yes sir
jake duque: ok boss
jake duque:
JA:
jake duque:
JA: ingat ka jake
jake duque: ingat ka din nu
jake duque: dont worii about me
jake duque: ok
jake duque: bbye
JA: bbye
JA: love you
jake duque: loveyou 2
Last message received on 2/27 at 2:27 PM

bring it on... back

Dancing, to me, is a sport, the only one that I’m good at, the only one that I know.

Tomorrow will be the first special Saturday for me not to wake up 2-3 am, to dress up fast to catch up with my 4 am call-time. I will no longer spend the early hours of tonight to prepare my costume for tomorrow’s event; instead, I will be preparing clothes, not for costume, but for laundry day.

Thousands of people are here to celebrate and to watch, what I was before competitive as I anticipate dancing. I was walking with JE on my way home earlier and I envy, as much as I disgust way before, the people and all the preparations for tomorrow. I envy them like crazy. And then I realized, I still want to be a performer.

I was a performer. I once dreamt of doing this my whole life because I know I’m actually good at it. But something made me think that performing isn’t me; rejection. I got this over my head already, I have totally moved on but is this normal to feel?

I remember spending my money on costumes, counting “5, 6, 7, 8…”, exposing my body in a frying pan while I glance and run, screaming for props, costumes, instructions, counts, steps, making face at my mentors back while she seriously give funny and cliché lines to us, dance, perform, dance.

But all these are gone. I am now accounting not the performance’s financial positions but learning it instead. My name is now written in a tarpaulin not for achieving artistic excellence but for academic excellence. I am now holding handbooks and big books, not scripts and wavers.

And now I conclude, I want to bring back the performer in me.