For two years of leading cell groups now, I still haven’t chosen my disciples. Reason for this is because; I’m usually the weather type of a leader. I get myself back in and in sometime I still manage to pull myself out of the fire.
A few months before, as I blogged about this, I seem to have a lot of questions that turned into doubts about the vision and the church. I’ve been stumbled down because of the human flaws I can see around me but all my questions were then answered by God Himself.
So I went back in, this time having a stronger grip on the Vision. I now see the worth of having to complete my 12 disciples which many may not understand yet. I now desire in my heart forming my own close cell group but my problem was my old members. As I left the Vision, I seem to have left them behind as well. I needed to start new cells to meet my goal.
I started winning high school students, by myself as a challenge, entering classrooms and sharing the gospel. I now have two open cells in BCNHS, one open cell in PSHS (my old cell group) and one mixed open cell as well. Because I knew I had that desire, in a month I already have 26 members all in all.
So I’m very happy that the Lord is really helping me with my goal
But today, I’ve been tested, big time!
We had our One-Day Ignite Retreat today in the center. Out of those 26 members, I expected 8 of them to attend. I prayed a lot for them. I even asked my Christian friends to pray for them as well. I woke up with the strong wind. When I arrived in the center, I’ve been told that we don’t have classes because our city’s signal leveled up to #3 so I thought that was a good sign. But no one came, not one in those 26 youths….
I decided to just attend the ignite myself but I’ve been very depressed. Constantly asking the Lord why? How can they have such little faith because of the typhoon?
A few times I considered quitting that I really can’t do this, that I’m a failure and all. But of course, the Holy Spirit would always help me on times like this. My friends helped a lot too.
I completely understood that the Lord is testing my patience and faith. I don’t have to expect my members to have established within themselves the loyalty they must have for me as their leader considering the fact that we only started our relationship last month. Then I truly discerned on God’s time and trusted on Him.
And in that point in time, I knew my biggest reason of depression is because of compromise. It is true that we have to obey our leaders but God knows I did my best on my cell members. I put a lot of prayer and sacrifice for them to know the Word but having not to convince them to attend either the Ignite Retreat or the Encounter God Retreat wouldn’t mean I failed in meeting God’s expectations. I know in my heart that I’m doing my best to please Him. People’s way of looking at things that I have not done must not turn me down. I just have to pray, pray and pray and stay faithful and fruitful and God will soon reward me of my efforts.
This vision, as the Lord has revealed is not for the church or for anyone but for Him alone, thus I must only consider whether I pleased Him or not.
God’s time is perfect, thus, I will depend on Him alone.