Monday, March 21, 2011

I am not a victim. I am an overcomer. I am a leader. I am a conqueror.

I'm going out of the cage but I'm not coming back to the market yet. I'll be staying in the light instead as it leads me to the right direction.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.


Ngayong gabi, ako'y makakasulat ng mga malulungkot na linya
Halimbawa, "Ang gabi ay nabasag at ang mga bituin ay kumikinang sa malayo"
Ang hangin sa gabi ay nalilibot sa kalawakan at kumakanta

Ngayong gabi, ako'y makakasulat ng mga malulungkot na linya
Minahal ko siya at minsan minahal niya din ako

Sa mga gabing katulad nito ay hinahaplos ko ang kanyang mga kamay
Hinahalikan ko siya nang paulit-ulit sa ilalim ng kalangitang walang hanggan

Minahal niya ako minsan, at minahal ko din siya
Sino ba naman ang hindi magmamahal sa kanyang mga mata

Ngayong gabi, ako'y makakasulat ng mga malulungkot na linya
Iniisip na hindi siya sakin, at ang pakiramdam ay wala na siya sa sakin

Nang marinig ang walang hangang gabi, mas malawak pag wala siya
Ang mga linya ay nahulog sa kaluluwa tulad ng hamog sa damuhan

Para saan pa at ang pagmamahal ko ay hindi makakapagpanatili sa kanya
Ang gabi ay nabasag at kami'y hindi magkasama

Eto na ang lahat. Sa malayo ay may umaawit
Sa malayo. Ang aking kaluluwa ay hindi kuntento na siya ay nawala

Siya'y hinahanap ng aking paningin na tila'y umaabot sa kanya
Ang puso ko'y hinahanap siya at hindi ko kasama

Ito din ang gabing namumuti ang mga puno
Tayo, sa oras na iyon, ay wala nang pagkakapareho

Hindi ko na siya mahal, sigurado, ngunit kung paano ko siya minahal
Ang aking boses ay nagsubok na maghanap sa hangin upang mahawakan ang kanyang pandinig

Sa iba'y, Siya'y mapupunta sa iba. Tulad ng aking nakalipas na halik
Ang kanyang boses. Ang kanyang walang kupas na mga mata

Hindi ko na siya mahal, sigurado. Ngunit maaaring mahal ko siya
Ang pag-ibig ay napakaikli, ang paglimot ay napakatagal

Dahil sa gabing katulad nito hinahagkan ko siya sa aking mga kamay
Ang aking kaluluwa ay hindi kuntento pag nawala siya

Maaaring ito ang huling sakit na ipinadadama niya
Ito ang huling tula na aking maisusulat para sa kanya

Pablo Neruda
salin nina Ja, Jose at Rebekah

Thursday, March 10, 2011

If ever he'll try to make an effort of coming back to me, I won't hesitate in giving him the chance. But I know in my mind that's gonna be foolishness

Nevertheless, if I do that, I'm missing the point of God teaching me a lesson. And the lesson is very clear to me. The only thing is that, I refuse to accept the deal of losing a huge part of me. But in time, I'll be okay.

God's time is perfect. He's always faithful. And who else should I turn to?

In my perspective, the "we" had three sides.
  • First, she who had tried her best to be faithful and patient in waiting, yet she had incapabilities and
I may have lost something but I know God has still planned someone. I'm 18, I'm young.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Today is MY first 10th

I had to finish our IT project in 3hours today, and i did. I have to finish two chapters in accounting, I haven't yet. But I must say, blogging an entry for this day must be the most difficult one.

I'd say I'm too much affected by our almost-very-obvious break-up though we haven't talked over it yet. I don't like to blog anything about what I feel with him cheating on me and not a word reaching me. I didn't like the feeling, not at all. But I'm still facing it, I am without him.

The wind keeps me still with the feeling. The annoying sun didn't even help in putting up the optimism. I don't like to describe the feeling because it hurts even more when I admit it to myself.

The guys who tries to impress me didn't even had an effect on me. I'd still think of him as a huge part of my heart, that I'm losing it.

He's like a petal that kept me as the flower, the most beautiful one. But as they say, good things never last. I knew the fact that sooner or later, that petal should fall away from me. The thing that hurts most is the way I am after being left by my petal.

Cliche as it seems, I have to move on. But it's a process. I know it is.

Today should have been our last 10th together in this town. I should have been anticipating this. But instead, I'm trying to runaway from the date, the calendar, from writing it down to my notes and papers, from facing this day with the most difficult emotion. I'd say it's bitterness but I still won't accept it.

I still love him and today is the first 10th of my life without him saying "I love you" to me.