Trust Issues

At first his disciples did not understand all this. Only after Jesus was glorified did they realize that these things had been written about him and that these things had been done to him.

-      John 12:16

You are not expected to understand everything that happens in your life at an instant. Jesus’ disciples thought Jesus was so mysterious that everything He said was a mystery but had deep meanings to it. But apart from that odd thought, they chose to believe Him and follow Him.

This may sound cliché but it’s part of the truth and it’s also part of the very understanding of God’s Grace. Life isn’t fair. But God is. There are things that happen in our life that we truly do not understand. Some things happen beyond our understanding or somehow unexpected, such things which seems to never been a part of our lives. In my instance, I failed my board exam. All throughout my 5-year college life, I always thought I’d nail it. I even dream on topping it. But I ended up failing. Now, God has put me in a foreign land to me. I always hated the idea of living here. But here I am now leaving my family, church, friends behind and facing something I am never sure would be the outcome. I admit that life here isn’t easy. I am expected to exert more effort in all things I did in Baguio. I know I can live independently, but the fact that I am never sure of my own plans in my stay here makes it even more difficult.

Yesterday, God revealed to me His purpose of my stay here. I will know Him better and experience Him in a different way. God wanted me to see a different side of His grace and I can never be thankful of this opportunity. But on the other hand, not knowing concrete plans can be very vexing. But God never fails on giving comfort.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

-      John 14:1-3

Trust in God. It’s so easy to say. But what if your salary comes in short for your daily needs? What if your family back at home needs your support? What about those nights when you’re alone and just really want you friends to be there? What about your ministry in God? How are you supposed to serve Him in a foreign land where you are very much restricted?

        Practically, living independently can be very difficult. But just imagine life in the perspectives of Jesus’ disciples. They all had their own jobs, own family and own business before deciding to do God’s ministry. I’m not saying you do the same, leave school, leave work and just stay in church forever. No. God wants you to live out His glory. Show the world how His grace changed your life so that He can change others who see that as well.

        Evangelism isn’t always about doing cells or reporting every week the people you met or even setting quotas of how many people you will bring to church this week. The main goal of evangelism is showing off God’s glory. Thus, behind all these practical questions in life, you can then say that regardless of all these limitations, you have to serve God through your life.

Then Jesus told them, “You are going to have the light just a little while longer. Walk while you have the light, before darkness overtakes you. Whoever walks in the dark does not know where they are going.

-      John 12:35

Where do I go now?

I’ve been constantly arguing with myself of my plans in life. How do get to align myself with God’s vision? How do I fix my eyes on Him? I’m not very sure if God has concretely answered that. But I’m pretty sure He talked to me on His word.

Put mud on your vision

“How then were your eyes opened?” they demanded. He replied, “The man they call Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes. He told me to go to Siloam and wash. So I went and washed. And then I could see.”

-John 9:10

                I am very sure I had my encounter with God in Baguio. I know the vision. I was doing the vision. I may not be the perfect leader in my church. I may not be the best spiritual mother my spiritual daughters could’ve had, but I know I was caught by the vision. Or was I?

                My pastor once said, “Being caught by the vision and catching the vision has a big difference”. It is very possible that I was doing the vision that I caught myself but didn’t catch me. I love God but I lacked love for people, thus I don’t love God enough. I had great encounters with the Lord back in Baguio, but now I believe the Lord has placed me in such a position that I needed to see the vision in a different way.

                Thus, I am blind.

I.                    How then were your eyes opened?

How do I find a clearer path to God’s vision in my life?

II.                  The man they call Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes.

You need to see a clearer view of why you weren’t caught by the vision in Baguio. You need to see how incomplete you are. You need to see all your imperfections. You need to see all the wrong things you did. You need to acknowledge all your compromises. You need to see all the things in this world that hindered you to see God in His most glorious appearance.

III.                He told me to go to Siloam and wash

You need to go out of your comfort zone and let God lead you to the way where you can wash off all these hindrances that keeps you from serving God the way you’re supposed to. Thus, Manila is not an accident.

IV.                So I went and washed. And then I could see.

I am now on my first month in my stay here in Manila and I’ve never been soi sure of going here. My heart is for Baguio but for God to truly conquer my heart, I need to leave that place for a while till I get to experience more of Hos glory in this foreign land. I need to wash off all the things that are not for me and see the true image of the Lord.

So what do you do now?

Now the day on which Jesus had made the mud and opened the man’s eyes was a Sabbath.

-John 9:14

                Pastor Carlo preached about honoring your church last Sunday. I remember him saying, “You honor your church by protecting what you love. Thus we need to protect the church by protecting our testimonies.” I left Baguio for the exact reason of failing something I thought I already had. I know God planned that for me to be here for such a great purpose which I now understand. Coming to Manila means becoming the better me which happens to include making a professional Christian out of me. I always told myself that in all the works of my hands, I will glorify the name of the Lord. That includes my profession. I am going back to Baguio with a better version of me. I may leave my friends, my family, my daughters, even my pastors there but I know in the end, everything’s gonna be alright. I trust Him. (LOL, I just realized I was out of the topic.

                Technically, I will focus on the CPA me here first, but that doesn’t give me an excuse to have a mild commitment with God. In fact, this is a bigger challenge. I will commit my Sundays for Him. I do not know my schedule yet in my weekend class but I will not miss a service because God has already given me His word. He will give me His answer as to my span of time here in this town on the Sabbath.

I am the good Shepherd; I know my shepherd and my sheep know me.

-John 10:14