What benefit?

I was sure of one thing. I really want to keep jake. But something hit me last night. Pehaps, if I stay on wanting him for me earlier that we should be, things would just get worse for me. True, I was better off myself without him, but I never found myself so happy whenever i'm with him. we are not friends. we can't be friends. but we can be the happiest couple ever

For nothing

You were supposed to realize it before hand Jully…

You’ll always get hurt out of something you’re putting your hopes into when it’s really not meant to be.

You’ll always get hurt, no matter what you do, you’ll always get hurt because you can’t make things happen when its not supposed to happen.

It’s over.

Tangapin mo na yan.

Another Possibility

This is like, the high-school-me blogpost :DD

I like romance. A lot…

I don’t think if the subject of this blogpost is appropriate for now because I am, what I think, in the middle of a heartbreak, but I’m gonna blog about it anyway =))

Sssooooo there’s this guy from the church :DDD

It’s not the same guy (I’m probably the only one who gets this line). He’s actually been there for years now and I haven’t noticed him until now. Maybe because I know he’s in a relationship and so did I (before, of course). I mean, I’ve always been attracted to those kinds of people because I know I can’t do what they do, so I’m interested. He’s not really cute. If I didn’t like him for my personal reasons of being attracted to him, I must say he’s just some random good guy on nice shoes.  In the service early tonight, I just looked at him (though I was thinking of this when we were together last month). He’s quite some guy. No sparks (LOL). It’s just, there’s something that hit me that he can be someone to me.

But I am closer to GOD now more than ever. I read I kissed dating goodbye and I believed in it. I know better now. If I were to engage in such a thing as romance, I know what to do now.

I like summaries.

Point #1. I admit it, I like him.

Point#2. Is this from God? He knows exactly how I feel about my failed relationship. And it’ll stay like this for a long time. He knows that. And I also know that having this new thing would help in my memory deduction and really move on.

Point#3. Assuming that he’s already a “party” in my life, it would still be impossible because (a) we’re both on the peak of our ministry and (b) he, as much as I know it, is still with his current girlfriend (which is not good because I’ve know myself for being prone to insecurities) and lastly (c) I’m not sure if I’m ready to open my vulnerable heart to such risk again.

Point#4. Or am I just using him? Lying to myself that something like this exists just so I can run away from the thoughts of my ex now pursuing someone (which really gives this literal heart ache which sucks so bad every time I think of it). If I was, then this is wrong and I’m, again, fooling myself.

Romance really is fun. But not everything that I think would help me in my situation would say it came from God, or it was an answered prayer from God (uhhh I do remember praying for it before)

But like what I said, prayer is the only key. Whatever I’m in right now, I’m rest assured that I gave up my life to the Lord and I totally packed up down to my destiny.

J

Enough

I have been pushed too hard. I have shown much love and affection that can prove myself that i'm sincere. I fugured, such effort won't be recognized without the initiative of caring to even see it. I have reached the edge and cannot go further anymore. 

I should have done this way before but what a fool I've become to push myself to someone who never really appreciated what I had to offer.

Nevertheless, I am still, and will always be, a CHRISTIAN. I do not bear hatred. I know that this is God's will and it shall forever prevail. I realized I was the only one exerting  the effort and seem nothing has happened because I was letting my emotions prevail.

But not this time..

I was born for this. I am doing a great work and I cannot come down.

!!

The Scientist

If I was feeling anger, I could have meant saying “He really ruined my life”.

Going back…

_{If I had not pushed on such a childish relationship just because I thought my friend would be so hurt if she still continues on with her relationship with him, and because I wanted to prove Leophold that I’m mature enough to move on without him, I could have just lived my entire college life as I planned it to be.} But LOve really moved things way too much.

But I don’t feel anger, to the point that I wanted to blame people for what’s really happening.

It is of course entirely my fault.

I live in the past and get even more affected by the present.

Things like: I wish I just let my friend handle this guy with their hopeless LDR or…

                                I wish I just broke up with him when I felt like we’re getting serious and Leaphold was really turning his way or…

                                                I wish I just really moved on and try not to deny that I’m still hoping…

Truth is, there’s only one conclusion to all these…

My life’s messed up right now because I really have a very weak FAITH…

In the end, I’d still call myself IMMATURE.