Forced Insomnia

One Night Up, One Day Sobber, Next thing- Got the Feeling

Losing Subs, Losing inspiration :(

Last night, I was up till 2am reviewing for my Part 2 Exam on 202. I didn’t do well with my part 1 so I really need to make effort on this.

So today we took the exam. Jen exchanged sits with me so I was sitted on the very front middle row just in front of Sir Silvestre. Before we started with the exams he announced already that there’ll be some changes which he shall reveal after we finish the exam.

Despite being so conscious that Sir Doms was like, almost staring at my paper while taking it, I did well I guess. I mean, I review much and I know I answered the questions well but that part came…

We passed our papers. He told us he’ll be posting our grades near the faculty room of SABM and next meeting he’s no longer entering the room…

Of all instructors, why him?!!, I thought.

He said his substitution is over and there is no other way for him to take our class and finally, Mr. Alabanza is taking over.

I can’t help but feel bad. I know he does too because I see his reactions every time he looks at me when I react on things he say.

What now? Will I ever survive accounting 202 with the kind of instructor who just enters the room, sits around and give incredibly impossible exams?

I know I will.

But I’m really pissed about the news.

Sir Silvestre’s not entering the room anymore, neither will Ma’am Mendoza next week.

Aside from his charms and good looks (if those are the same I don’t care). I’m really sad because I’m really gonna miss him. He’s really a good instructor. Not only that, he inspires me. Same with Ma’am Mendoza.

That’s what happened today, and I really don’t feel the optimism. I’m really gonna miss him.

It all ends

I was on my summer getaway shorts with an ordinary t-shirt, went on skates to SM to see Harry Potter and all I get is “Bat ganyan suot mo?”, “Ilayo mo nga ako sa kanya, baka isipin ng iba pareho kaming pokpok”.

Well I’d shout it on her “THIS IS THE CITY GIRL! KUNG HINDI KA SANAY NA NAKIKITA MGA KASAMA MO NA KATULAD ANG SUOT NG MGA NAKIKITA MO SA MALL, PWEDE KA NANG BUMALIK SA PROVINCE MO!” No one can blame me. Who can ever say such a terrible thing right? To think that I wasn’t wearing a really short shorts. I mean, she’s the kind of girl who would give her number to random strange people and she’ll say that in my face?

Well, that didn’t really spoil my day. I thought this day, without having exams had lessened the burden of the coming ones tomorrow.

So I saw Harry Potter today. As always, they have to revise the book so they can fit it into a 2-hour movie. I guess I’d understand that. It was kinda depressing though. That movie that we’ve been anticipating on since I was in elementary is already over. Well, as it was said in the posters “It all ends”. So yeah, not really much of a big deal LOL

So yeah, that’s what happened today. Now I’m bound with studies again and I really have to review.

This post has been really really random LOL

Turning Tables

Maybe it’s about time for me look unto maturity

Maybe this time it’s his turn to need me

Maybe it’s too much love I’ve given

Maybe this means both must be even

Maybe I must focus myself on the real deal

Maybe its life, without him, I must soon heal

- 걱정하지 마십시오 : )-

Greater sign

This could be more like a dream to me...

It sucks a lot

"I'm fine" has always been the biggest lie.

I'm bored. with everything.

I don't feel angry about most of my disappointments anymore.

I just expect them to happen and then I feel bored about it.

It sucks a lot....

AFTER COLLEGE

“Magiging CPA din kayo, hindi nga lang natin alam kung kelan”

This statement gave the whole class a big laugh, but I thought of something else. My future.

These past few weeks I’ve been encouraged too much about being able to graduate and pass the board exam. Planning is actually a bit easier than reality. Here it goes…

I graduate BS Accountancy exactly 3 years from now. I enroll in either CPAR in Manila or I’d rather stay in Baguio for ACE. But I think the second one’s more probable. After 5 months of review, on October of the year I graduate I will be taking the exams and pass it already by Faith. Then, I find a stable job. It will take me maybe 3 years to look for one but I prefer working for the government and stay in Baguio. If I don’t get myself “ringed” to a husband before the age of 26, I’ll continue on law and be a lawyer of course for the sake of bringing honors for the family. And then I die.

Of course attached to that will be my ministry for the Lord. I dream of winning the government officials of Baguio to Christ. I always imagined myself with a title and being able to speak to God’s people for His glory.

Easy as I read it, I know there are more revisions to this compared when I publish it. One day I’ll be reading this, successful or not, I’ll be asking myself, how naïve can I be at that age?

With the love I feel for my current boyfriend Jake, I can’t continue on with my future without him in my list of plans. As Jully, Jacob’s girlfriend, of course I’ll scratch the lawyer dream, the not-leaving-Baguio part and being a pastor’s wife, I’d also scratch the government part.

So then I thought, Jake would be the only reason of me holding back. But no. I know it’s not him.

Living in my world means survival of expectations. I want to be a lawyer to bring honor to my family. I want to be a CPA to help my mother to provide for the family.

But the truth is…

I don’t want much success. I want happiness. And that is to live an average life, to see my mother and my father happy living together and not working, to see my siblings finish their studies, to have my own baby and to live a life of serving the Lord.

I want nothing else but these, which leads me to my goal. So to summarize:

VISION: to be able to live a life of happiness according to what my heart defines it to be

Mission: to be able to serve the Lord in accomplishing my goals

Isogashii time out :)

I just got myself hit by a car. Literally.

Not much with the details but I just had a part of my legs colored violet.

Anyway, I guess I I just needed to look at myself again right now through this blog.

Yes, I’m miserable, but who cares? Since this sem started, I never went off that state.

Jake can’t talk to me, I don’t see Melanie around anymore and I’m stuck with my books and the only thing I talk to is my Calculator.

Well, it sounds cliché already, so what’s the point of elaborating?

I miss my boyfriend soo bad. This is funny actually. When my days are almost over, I know I’m losing hope. Thinking of things like, he’s gonna meet someone eelse, or or, he might pursue on someone he liked before, or or, he’ll just get rid of me coz he’s tired of us this way, those things (and more). And when I wak up in the morning, after dreaming about him, I just know there’s those words of LOVE and FAITH, which I’m strongly holding on right now. And i'm very sure that I'm still unconditionally inlove with him.

Melanie on the other hand, kept bugging my thoughts. This is weird, I thought. Why would I want to think about her a lot? Her skype’s not on. Perhaps she’s busy touring around the world. I’m guessing she’s in Paris right now LOL. I wish she was here, painting my legs back.

RJ, I don’t think I should blog about him but I will anyway. I just saw her girlfriend the other day and I thought, I wanna blog about the night she bullied me hahahaha, well soon.

ACCOUNTING ACCOUNTING ACCOUNTING ACCOUNTING ACCOUNTING ACCOUNTING ACCOUNTING

So yeah, I’m really keeping myself busy with studies. Ignoring the agony of missing my boyfriend and that dude who can’t understand that I have a boyfriend (esh).

I’m actually enjoying it. I’m still not topping the exams but I don’t see competence much with what I’m doing. I’m just doing this for the sake of knowing it.

I don’t know but I already have this desire that I want to pass the board exam soo bad that I have to know a lot.

My instructors inspire me a bit, though right now, all they do is to scare us about board exams. About people going crazy, literally, in taking the exams. But on the other hand they are bragging us about the wealth that a CPA would have.

I’m not into getting rich actually but I thought, my family would expect that. Jake would like that. (I was even thinking that was a factor why Jake wouldn’t leave me and marry me haha). But really, I just want to engage myself with a profession and face the world with a title.

I know it’s not that important to me, my faith is still there and I have no plans to let go of it. but still, right now, I just want to be a CPA soo bad as I want to be Jake’s wife hahaha.

*********

It’s 8:15 and I have to get ready for my 10:30 class J

--- see the transformation? I really want thissssss!! =))