Sunday, August 28, 2011

Inspire for self-inspiration

Last Sunday, 21st of August 2011, the graduation for the latest Post Encounter students happen as well as our recognition as SOL 1 and 2 students. It’s a tradition that after the Word and before the presentation of the certificates and special awards of the delegates, a few from us are chosen to stand in front and give off our own testimonies.

I wasn’t chosen but not much of an issue to me. I’m not used to speaking in front of my leaders. In our batch (SOL 2), Tita Lourdes was the one chosen by our SOL Director/teacher.

It amazes me actually that I found myself close to my SOL classmates although they’re not even close half my age.

So she gave her testimony about her inspiration, first was one of Pastor Gaddy’s preaching, and the second, me.

These past few days I’ve been struggling with my faith about the structure and formal processes of the church. I’m quite ashamed of this actually to think that I am now one of the 144 leaders of the church and I still doubt in the formality of the G12 vision. Asking myself often, why do we have to account for every cell member, why do we always have to be in the church even when there’s no scheduled activity, why is it that my leader requires a lot from me when I don’t see them much of the effort they want us to perform. In short, I see the technical flaws of the vision.

I wanted to talk this over with some leaders but I suppose I’d know what they’d say. Jake told me I should pray harder, I do, I always did. But I still doubt about things.

Then came the waterfall vision. Once I get myself in, there’s no turning back. Just like taking up a course and you’re in the middle of the curriculum already.

It’s all about mindsets and passion, which I think I lack now because I’m starting to feel tired with my ministry. I’m having that perspective of an independent Christian who thinks only of “Loving God” and forgetting “Loving people”.

Back to Tita Lourdes’ testimony, she shared about that point of her life when she felt so weak and doubtful herself and that I was the one who gave her the word that inspired her to continue on with her ministry.

Her words were like the wind. I shiver as she speaks of my name attached to phrases of blessings. At that point in time, I knew the Lord was using her to talk to me. I knew the Lord wanted me to know that even in my own way, disregarding the formalities, the requirements and all, I can inspire people. I can win souls to God even when I don’t have my One Verse Evangelism with me. I can inspire people to love the Lord even when a conquest is not scheduled.

The Lord just talked to me that all I have to do is to be a true servant who walks in His ways and He shall make all things come along. I just have to know and live my purpose so that in times where it seem to be so tiring serving the Lord at the same time dwelling with the world, I shall know my stand and I will stay strong with my faith and in love with my ministry.

Inspiring people, especially when unintentional has always been self-inspiring. : )

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