Chess

The moment you start a move, the one who is wiser gets the vision of what’s gonna happen next. In the game, only one loses and the other wins. Very rarely that it would end up a draw, especially when the other one plays stupid.

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I didn’t see it coming myself. He was with me for a long time and just when he left I realized I didn’t use the time we were together efficiently, instead, I indirectly ignored them and got used to his presence. And now that he’s gone, guess the proverbs hit me the worst. “You only get to appreciate something when you lost it”.

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Despite me ignoring the thoughts of Ralph, I still get to see him in my dreams. In my dreams, only Ralph and Jake get to be so real. Only by dream I get to see my bestfriend like we were before we had that awkward intimacy. I always loved RJ as my brother; I don’t understand why people don’t get that.

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There has been quite aloofness in Jake the past few days. I always considered he was busy, pressured in school and all. But me missing him too much brought me stress. I felt like I needed more from him, but he’s more often unavailable.

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I know I wasn’t supposed to entertain Ralph’s messages, till I got hit by the news of his engagement. I know I decided to cut of myself from him since they left the country, but I knew this was coming. Everything else about us has to end because he’ll be taken away by fate through his forced marriage. I needed company in my down times in my family, school and church. Ralph was there, I took the chance.

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I was upset about not seeing Jake this Christmas, but Ralph’s gonna be here… right when plans were set, Jake knew I was communicating with him again. That’s when he intensified his detachment over me. And in some point, I knew he wanted to quit on me already.

On the other hand, Ralph’s family had their eyes on me again. I had exams the next morning when they started hitting me by their calls blaming me for Ralph’s efforts of going back to the Philippines by his own expense. Moreover, Jake couldn’t resist his self but to burst out of anger.

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I didn’t know what to do…

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I quit the Aquino family. I’m cutting off all my connections with them. I blocked them in all my accounts and even deleted my skype account.

And since I was told by my leader about submission, I’m also running away from Jake by communication.

I am bound to lose them both. Good news is, there will be a greater chance that Jake would stay with me if I let go of the other, but that would still not guarantee me because I know him too much that gives me lesser hope of letting him stay with me.

I just didn’t know what to do so I’m running away from the problem.

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Jake will reach me soon when I get myself fixed already, but this time, I know Ralph’s not gonna be there anymore.

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So, to sum things up. In the end, either I lose my bestfriend and still have my boyfriend or I lose them both…

In the game, when the one who plays stupid loses, there’s still another chance of winning by trying it again and again.

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I may not do things right, I know I’m trying.