I opened my eyes and then I saw him, just when I realized I wish I wasn’t dreaming until an infuriating sound woke me up, shouting. I prayed this day isn’t what it has to be, the start of summer.
I do remember myself waking up eagerly to embrace the essence of summer when all that it meant was happiness, freedom, pleasure, and all else far from the ordinary. But it’s going to be a lot more different this time.
I opened my computer hoping he was there for me to say my last goodbye but he wasn’t. I gave him my simplest message giving the obvious clue.
And there came the arrival of my bridge to my worst summer.
I didn’t expect I’d be leaving that early. On with the usual preparations of leaving but more images this time. Taking a bath remembering last Sunday, looking for the missing comb, and for the longest time I had the chance to choose what clothes I’d be wearing today. I wanted to wear one of his clothes left with me. I paired it with normal spaghetti with the shorts I should be wearing on the 10th of April. I was still not contented so I blow dried my hair and fixed them on pigtails, just like the April 10th plan. I looked funny and as usual, I didn’t care.
For the first time, I hated the travelling car of Kuya.
Avelino Street had been the first to reminisce on since that was the last place I saw him. I anticipated as we passed by his radio station wishing he was on his way there, pathetic. And funny how plans gave me more chances of reminiscing as we drove along Trinidad to Buyagan and eat lunch in Mcdo Trinidad, as I was scanning us together in the Strawberry Fest.
There I saw the road going to his church and how I looked stupid wishing Kuya would stop for just a little while when we passed by the way to his house. And then driving back to Baguio and all the way to somewhere I didn’t care already.
People were still not talking to me, awkward but it gave me more time to think. He must have read my message already, even Ate Adri’s. I can’t imagine how he’d be reacting with all these surprises.
To think how happy we were yesterday, I’m not even sure about smiling or crying imagining his smiles and laughs. I’d always glance at my hands as I cross them together and then embrace myself.
More images than typing… I wish there’d be a chance for me to publish this as I step on the roads of Manila.
But then again I was thinking, the whole mock enrolment plan went successful even for my friends. I had the chance to tell April, I guess she was fine with it. Je, I think, is very miserable about it now as much as I am miserable for not seeing her, Letty and Cham. Ven thought it was all drama. Kuya Mj was disappointed and planning to see me here which I really doubt. But above all of my friends, how did my Jake react?
If ever Rj would know about what I’ve done, he might compliment me for the first time for not being a very bad liar myself.
But most of the time, right now, all that’s on my mind is Jake
I miss him already…
Guilt…
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