Lord,

Rough day today. I mean, it was just soo heavy that the enemy threw it all at my back. I admit Lord that my little Faiths really a problem. Actually, that's the thing i worry about the most. I dont understand myself. Why am I so reckless? Why am I so unfaithful? Why am I like this Lord? I feel like I'm such a disgrace in Your presence  Lord, I am really trying hard here. I really wanna be radical with my faith, but why am I like this?

Truly Lord I would never EVER doubt You. But I do for myself. You kept on hanging there, but me, I feel like I'm such a criminal doing the wrong thing all the time knowing that You're just there sad watching me do it. I've been asking You for many many chances already and You just kept on giving it to me. But now Lord, I've grown tired of it, I just wanna cry for my imperfection...

I was keeping myself from thinking it's impossible to earn that much, I mean, I'm really trying Lord. Also, I'm fighting my heart and really trying to move on from my ex boyfriend, but I always feel like I really can't cut the string off with him and see myself teary as I pass by things that remind me of us before. It's just really sad Lord. Even school's been bugging me Lord for my irresponsibility and slapping it right on my face through my grades. Plus my family, of course, would always be part of the dilemma. I go home and hear curses.  And right when I thought I'm really doing a good job in starting again with my ministry, hearing one of my past daughters abandoning me indirectly and seeing my supposed cell members, whom I really fought for before just to really work, working with another leader in the church without me knowing is just really painful Lord..

So Lord, its cliche already and as a Christian, I know exactly what to do. Thing is, as Your daughter, I really dont know how to start....

Lord, wisdom. Please. I know You got my back. You always do... Just please remind me of that all the time. cause right now, I'm really lost....

Amen.