Friday, January 1, 2010

01-01-10 how i wish... boredom it is

Out of my depth, I wish I’d never wake up from a sleep. Things won’t slow down the way I want it to be so maybe just a stop. For a day of celebration that was suppose to applaud my real inside, gave me such monotonous attempt to be whatever I had to be for the rest of my existence.

There was nothing amusing about anything right now, but I still managed to be seamless sanguine to uplift anyone’s pose. I wish I’d make something out of nothing I have right now.

I wish I’d fall in love again.

I wish I was high school again.

I wish I’d see the same day I met Jake.

I wish I knew how to make a perfect tumbling again.

I wish I’d die with just God’s will for it to be evident.

I wish my head was above the clouds and then I’d fall.

I’d fall… and I know, tomorrow or the next day won’t be the same for the one who would always catch me from my reckless dreams would leave me. I wish, things would just slow down for us a bit.

I want Jake, I want him now. But what else can I do. as slow as I want time would be, I wish it would just fast forward till I see him… next week. Next week, and things would really change.

Why do I always have to see Jake the time Ralph leaves? I guess God’s perfect plans would make the uncertainty of the reason.

Ralph leaves, why am I terrified by imagining it? It was, after all my decision. But I wont get everything I want. Jake’s incessant absence would still linger and make me one crazy writer of my grief of missing him every now and then. Yes, I won’t have everything I want.

I feel more impatient by the time and more idiotic with my mindsets of slowing down and fast forwards of events.

I wish I could just sleep. Sleep all day till Ralph’s gone, till I see Jake, till I die…

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