Sunday, November 22, 2009

11-21-09 : He left

Straight forward. And then turned. Tried to take pictures and then went on. Waiting for the next ride, I stared. It was like imagining, him being there looking back at me. And then do some funny poses as I stare. He looks back at me, and I’d stop. He comes closer now reaching for my hand. Closer now and then I’d refuse. I move and he stares. He comes closer again and tries to kiss me. A verb I can’t resist. Then I would somehow end it so sudden. Moving far away from him. For the last moments we’re together, no I don’t want him to touch me or either way. I just want to stare. See him perfectly present. I can’t make myself want his actions so I won’t get used to it and be so desperate to “want” him with me. There comes his ride, seeing the light means goodbye (for that instance). We started looking for my ride; it’s very hard actually, to be the one leaving. For the last time, he held my hand and I did not refuse. I pretended I was focusing on looking for an empty taxi. Here comes one, still pretending to focus. I heard him say “goodbye” and I hated it so I avoided the word by asking the driver if he can keep up to Avelino (my place). I was planning not to kiss him but really, the verb I can’t resist. He pulled me to his lips and then I immediately let go. I was all “don’t look back, don’t look back” but I did. I saw him wave and again I hated that.

I can’t smile, not for the reason that going home might not be the best idea or for the fact that I’m not seeing him again for the longest time. I was being selfish. I just hate missing someone so bad for that makes me sad, really sad. And that could actually cause some craziness in me when I want someone so bad (hahaha).

I’m home, and then came the battle (as I want to call it). And since I knew the words people were throwing and for the fact that I can’t talk back to them because that would be disrespectful, I wasn’t paying much attention. I was frowning, not because people were mad, I was thinking of him. And so craziness started (hahaha). I anticipated opening my laptop but I was disappointed because someone’s using the net connection.

Right now, I’m typing, just typing. Then blog this when I have the chance to go online. But uhh, I miss him already. That’s the only sense of this. I really miss him already. :((

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