Sunday, November 22, 2009

11-22-09 : Scared is the word


It had been a busy day. But it did not stop me from missing him more. Still no connection. Im not grounded or whatever. I’m just preventing myself being seen “wasting money”. Its 5:55 in my clock. I’m waiting for nothing. I am suppose to print my notes for the exam on Tuesday, but I just cant get off the bed heehee.

It’s going to be so, redundant, yes that’s the word I guess, if I would just type and type “I miss him, I miss him, I miss him”. Well, I’m not forcing anyone to read this anyway. It’s for uhh, personal use. Haha makes sense!!

Anyway, I was just thinking about all his words. He really can’t stop talking so deep that I really have to think about it. Not that I don’t understand, its just that I have to conclude the thoughts he’s giving me every time he “talks deep”. its not normal for me to “talk deep back” at him. It’s kinda corny when I talk personally. I mean, seriously. Since when did you see Jully trying to emote on someone? Except for some instances of course, but really. Awkward!

He was like “don’t be scared”. And inside I was “of what? About people around us with their negative perceptions? Of course im not. Maybe, I am. Scared of loosing you”. I’m not really sure how he got that but I guess he saw my face the part when Edward’s saying goodbye to Bella. Esh! That’s something weird about me. It’s really easy for me to relate with what I see. Haha. I don’t know. When we were watching that scene he asked me (which I didn’t really like) “pano kung ginawa ko sa’yo yan?” Hearing him say this, I wanted humor but I remembered that part of the book when I read it. Bella was all “he’s gone. He’s gone”. I don’t remember my answer to his question but I guess I just laughed. Haha, well really the answer would be uhh, its gonna be POSSIBLE for me to be crazy when he does that. That was the first thing that came into my mind. I know, in any means, it’s wrong. But it is possible really. I never tried loosing someone REALLY special, you know, like a relative or the closest one.

So what if Cob leaves? What would happen to Ja? Well, I can really say I’m a bit vulnerable when it comes to guys, because of the past. But Jake’s different. He’s really different. His level of importance goes higher to extreme. I really love him, that much.

Near the lake, he mentioned the same thing. “Don’t be scared”. This time he gets it, or I did? I am scared of loosing him. And then he said. “You’re not trusting when you have doubts”. Not exactly but that’s the point. Not trusting would mean not loving. That statement would make me a liar. I love him. And trust has to be a part of it. And not just in his side. That would also mean I don’t trust my prayers, specifically, God.

Haha, thinking about this, still reasoning to myself. Maybe I was just too carried away by the scene. Or im being too imaginative that I’m really Bella. Hahah! That explains it.

Ja ’s Cob

Cob ’s Ja

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