Last thing I heard, “It’s not about me”. I know it will never be about me. I am becoming selfless every time I grow in Him. I consider that as the best thing that could ever happen to me. I love the fact that I am indeed in a process of having this intimate relationship with Him. I love the actuality that His love is changing me.
But one thing I’ve learned, as I become a new person, I must never go back to my old self and wish I was that person again. I do. I love who I am now. And being in the state of devoutness, the Lord keeps me strong.
I am keeping myself from most of the social means in forty days. In the Bible, people like Moses, David, Elijah and even Jesus was given forty days. I believe I also have to make use of those forty days of my life in more for my self-discovery, moreover, my search of myself as God’s daughter. I don’t mull over this as identity crisis, but it is so much more than that. I don’t want to change; rather, I want to be changed.
Keeping me away from my Jake can be really hard. It doesn’t affect me much really but the holiday couple spirit thing usually hits me up and gives me the conscience saying, “He would love it more if you were there to remind him that you still love him that much despite this new Faith thing”.
I pray that he will understand. I kept myself waiting, I thought. I miss him though but I know I would keep myself from loving Jesus more than I do for him if I would just leave him for a while. I still pray he’d wait. I know my heart and now I’m leading it. Even more, I pray that he too would see us as an opportunity and a blessing given by the Father for us to grow more spiritually. I do believe that the moment I texted him, the moment we saw each other the day he transferred from his place to mine, it was all planned by the Lord. Of course as an opportunity, the purpose though is not for me to state but I believe and trust in God’s will.
This blog will reflect some of my insights in this journey. The secular world is still very demanding but I can never give up my time with the Lord. I cannot commit myself to this blog though. But this entry is a start. Well, for all the readers (if there were) hope you guys could also reflect with my thoughts, objection is accepted, I consider that as correction