What insecurity does
The Lord said to him, “Who gave men his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
- Exodus 4:11-12
Moses was so full of insecurities at first. In fact, he’s always been doubtful of himself of why the Lord has chosen him. Moses was glorifying his imperfections before serving the Lord.
I have always been praying to God about forming my 12, and now that the Lord has seen me prepared for this, He is already putting a lot of people in my cell. At first I was confident that I might be able to complete my 12 sooner but now that I have been becoming more insecure and more conscious of myself, I feel like I’m losing confidence as a cell leader.
I’m not as good as my other sisters. I’m not as anointed as my leader wanted me to be. I’m not always available to my ministry. I am not 100% committed as a church leader. Also, the different situations of my cell members have kept me thinking that I might not be able to handle them to the process.
This evening, my spiritual mother told me, “Anong meron kay Kuya Ji at kay David na wala ka?”. If only I concentrated much on what she said and I wasn’t feeling physically bad, I would have cried that time. I feel like I lost all the confidence I had since I started handling my UC cell members. But God revealed to me another thing tonight. My reason for my inconsistency about my UC cell members was their different situations. That which most of them have their own churches on Sundays, some made their Sundays their family and rest days but then I thought, I might have spoken the same things as Moses did. See, the Lord was the one who has given me these young people. It was not out of my own will or my own plan. I never really thought that someone like Rhieca would be my cell member who would even turn out to be a great soul winner.
God has chosen Moses to lead the Israelites because it was HIS plan. Moses never wanted to go back to Egypt anyway, but still God has chosen him. Same thing with me, God chose me for the lives of these young people. Thus if I doubt myself, I doubt God.
Moses reported this to the Israelites, but they did not listen to him because of their discouragement and cruel bondage.
- Exodus 6:9
Discouragement is truly bondage. I plan on completing my 12 on these 90 days of challenge because I believe the Lord has great plans after I pass my board exam. I don’t WANT to complete my 12, I NEED to complete my 12 and nothing must stop me, not my insecurities, not my in capabilities, not other people, not even my own will because I believe that this is my destiny.